You bought it. That was the easy part.
The book and all seven tools are in the file below. Owning them changes nothing on its own — the pattern you came here about has survived worse than a purchase. What follows is the order to open them in, and the twenty minutes that actually start the work.
Get the book & the seven tools PDF · Opens in Google DriveSave your own copy from Drive
Seven tools is enough to freeze anyone. Don't open them all.
Most people download everything, skim three files, and never return. The tools were built to be used in sequence, each one needing what the last one produced. Here is that sequence.
Chapter 1, then the Pattern Map
Read the first chapter — it's short. Then fill the Pattern Map across three to five past relationships: who pursued whom, what hooked you in week three, what you had to overlook, the role you played.
Three or more repeated rows means you're not looking at three relationships. You're looking at one relationship you've had three times. Everything else depends on that grid.
The Attachment Self-Assessment
Fourteen scored statements. Nobody reads it but you, so answer with your first instinct rather than the fair, considered version.
The gap between your two totals matters more than either number.
The Requirements Document
Cut a full needs and values inventory down to three to five true non-negotiables, each rewritten as behaviour a neutral observer could verify.
Vague requirements are unenforceable. "Communicative" isn't a requirement. It's a hope.
The Flag Log and the eight scripts
Camera facts in one column, the excuse you reached for in the next. When something needs saying, the scripts are already written — stating a need, raising a flag, declining without justifying, holding a boundary mid-conflict.
Each script is built to be said out loud, at normal volume, without a run-up.
The Interruption Plan
Write this one while you're calm, not while you're deciding. An observable cue, and a response you can carry out alone in five minutes without anyone's cooperation.
Done properly, the hard moment becomes remembering instead of deciding.
The 90-Day Checkpoint
Nineteen questions across five sections, answered three times. Put the dates in your calendar tonight, while the book is still open.
The direction of travel matters more than any single score.
The grid only works if you're honest on it.
Nobody is going to read your Pattern Map. There is no version of this where you protect your own reputation on a private worksheet and still get the answer. Write the unflattering row. That row is usually the pattern.
— Jay